Monday, August 29, 2011


It's cold over there,
and warm over here.

No, correction;
it's hot over here.

When I see the word correction,
I get an erection!

What's up with that?
Is there a pill for that?

No, not that pill.
that pill killed the cat,
and made her fat!

This falls under
the heading
of that old
bait and switch.

I'm the bait
and she's the switch.

I've got this itch.

Thursday, August 25, 2011


So, I'm in the yard,
doing yard things,
when I look up, and,
O' Lord,
this young delicious babe
comes strolling by
in a bikini bottom and no top.
Couldn't help but notice
that beautiful pair
standing up so straight and proud.
So, I say to her,
how do you keep those lovely tits
standing up so straight?
She says, I'm tweaking.
Would you like to tweak with me?
No, no, no, I say, thanks for asking,
but my wife
would have my nuts for supper.
She tells me not to tell.
Your wife won't know.
Oh, yes, I say, she'd know. She'd know.
But, Pete, down the street, is a tweaker.
So off she flows, down the street,
looking for Pete the tweaker.
I grab the garden hose,
and hose myself down, and down.
It took a long hard hour
for the hard-on to go down.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011


Snow is falling, somewhere.
Rain is falling, somewhere.

When it gets really quiet,
and we put our ear
to the ground,
and we listen carefully,
we will hear the sound
of our voices,
echoing softly,
in the fading distance,
as darkness sets in
and the darkness
drags us down,
as we scratch our way forward
searching for the light.

The light won't have us.
We have become the night.

good night.

Friday, August 19, 2011


Smell the burning;
Fires of hell,
         reaching out,
  burning bright.
                   Mortal souls burning.
The hell with hell!
              Fight fire with fire!
Stomp those fires.
   Slap the devil down,
                                           and down.
Hot souls, in search.
             Hot souls burning. 

Heavy red smoke, 
though cracks
  in our miserable
                     retched souls.
        of colored smoke,
and nowhere.

        and no more.

Oh, come on!
You've had days like this!
Don't give me that old evil eye!


Wednesday, August 17, 2011


there was this bird
sitting in a tree
just outside our door.
and this bird
had been making such a racket
all morning long.
so I go inside
and grab my trusty old 12 gauge
and go outside,
take aim at that stupid, annoying bird;
finger on the trigger,
when suddenly I'm whacked
on my back, and the gun
goes off and blows away
half the tree
and the bird flies free.
I turn around to see,
and she grabs the gun
right out of my hands.
and she says, run!
and I say, what?
she says, run!
I say, but hon?
can't we talk about..........
she fires a warning shot
and blows away
the other half of the tree.

there will come a time
in most of our lives
when the bad choices we've made
will give us the runs.

once again, I'm a black-hearted
 son of a gun!

Saturday, August 13, 2011


fat lame jack
says he can,
but knows he can't.

looking for a wife,
but married a rat.

ran for congress,
had to divorce the rat.

people said,
the hell with Jack,
and elected the rat.

so goes the story
of old lame Jack.

quiet, now!
the rat is speaking!

Friday, August 12, 2011


some women
love to be spanked

and, then,
there are those women
who love to do the spanking.

then, there are women
who love to do both,
usually at the same time.
you should see my behind!

come spank me, mama!

Saturday, August 6, 2011


She walks
down the street;
head held high;
Long legs
from here to Christmas.

Long shiny red hair
in the freeze.

this old man
right on down
to his knees.

I stare,
and I stare, and stare.
even looking
my way
she says,
take a picture, old man.
That's all you get
from me for free.

And the day
wilts into night,
and the night
wilts into day,
and I look
for just
one more look
Can't afford
to play,
but looking is free.