Tuesday, July 31, 2012

CAN'T CUT THE MUSTARD

I can no longer
cut the mustard
or pass the acid test
like last week's gas
that keeps coming back
never giving me a rest
look!
isn't that a robin's nest?
but i always do my best.



and now, to muddle around
these puddles of uncertainty 
gravity holding me down
am I the only clown
in this godforsaken one horse town?


in the light
there is a place
darkness waits

but i don't wait
do you?
well, of course you do!
I see that just by looking at you.


"Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names."

John F. Kennedy (1917-1963)


its not like she's promiscuous
or any resemblance 
to her bear father
but, her mother, a statue
in hope-garden
weathered and battered 
ancient myths and bogymen 
and all those dead things
living in her father's
shadow-box orchard
under false pretenses 
and purple shades of night
to keep her warm










Saturday, July 28, 2012

I GAVE BIRTH

i gave birth
to this humongous turd

three pounder!

beautiful piece of work!
my crowning achievement!
a life time
of moaning and groaning
for this one special moment

one don't flush
something this beautiful

one mounts it
on a shelf
for all the world to admire

if this were to be
an Olympic event,
this would be the gold!

i can't help myself
but sit and stare, and stare

proud, is what i am
so damned proud

one can only dream
and then, plop
there it is
in all it's splendor 

and it's mine!
i did this!
me!

history in the making

love is a three pound turd

i  think i might cry.....


history is all crap
it keeps sneaking up
behind us
and stabs us in the back.

history never takes it back.
and history never steps back.


"Well-timed silence hath more eloquence than speech."

Martin Fraquhar Tupper 


I recommend everyone
jump start their heart
at least once before they die.

and once or twice
after we die. 

and, by all means,
tale a walk, at least once,
on the wild side.


six times as many
how many times
is six too many
six times six too many
now we're talkin'
throw another six
into the mix
shake well
do not stir 
and six more
now we do a little jig
a sixty something jig
but only simple six jig
dance and jig
six times more
before we crumble
to the floor







BUCKET OF WORDS

if we had a bucket of words
and a bucket of turds
would we feed the words
to the turds
or feed the turds
to the words
we would then punctuate 
the golden gate
separate the oats from the corn
strike a match to celebrate
blame the whole damned mess
on a witches trait 
what do we do now
wait around
'til the witch burns the barn down
it's like having sex with a clown


"The wood are lovely, dark, and deep,
but I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep."

Robert Frost
Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening


bang, bang, bang!
just another gavel
directing traffic
up a side road
but back roads pending
dirt and gravel


part of the  whole;
the part
which ate my soul!

what the hell do you know?
hell, it ain't your soul!
you never know,
I may just dig a hole. 

okay, roll me over
but roll me slow.


ya, me, a good many years ago.
I won't say how many.





Friday, July 27, 2012

SHE BEATS ME

she beats me
with a sense of urgency
on most nights
and everyday at four
I've become her whore
everyday at four


I'm a hell of a pain in the ass
when it comes to cutting the grass
she never gives me no slack
and she sure as hell
 loves to kick my ass

wish she'd learn to relax
but she's great in the sack
and she's got a great rack
and she loves..........
never mind


I am not a mistake
keep that in mind
the next time
you turn around
and find me
staring at you

you should not panic
that's my job
and I dance with a frog
but I've never screwed a hog
I'll leave that to you


"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book -
I'll waste no time reading it."

Moses Hadas (1900-1966)



Thursday, July 26, 2012

WHAT WE THOUGHT WAS MUD





dry thunderstorms
most everyday
lightning starts fires
most everyday
no rain
would like to just pack up
and just fly away


"There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher."

Flannery O'Conner (1925-1964)






Tuesday, July 24, 2012

FRUIT

fruit
fruit
vegetables and fruit
make us wise
and make us toot

or hoot, depending
upon sense of direction
or time zone
guaranteed satisfaction

what was your reaction?
satisfied with your direction?


hot, hot, hot
breaking records
left and right
ain't no relief in sight

ghosts in the night
birds of a feather take flight
hell is a fire at night


"Logic is in the eye of the logician."

Gloria Steinem 


"My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you'll be happy;
if not, you'll become a philosopher."

Socrates (470-399 B.C.)



      











Monday, July 23, 2012

THREE NAKED LADIES

rub-a-dub-dub
three naked ladies
in an over turned tub.

I thought about using
three naked men,
but three naked ladies
is much more exciting,
don't you agree?

unchain me!
set me free!
and please hurry,
I gotta pee!

to put spice in my life
I kiss
the neighbor's wife

but my neighbor
sliced it off
with his kitchen knife

now I gotta tell the wife



everybody is trying to get to the bottom of everything
bottoms up, everybody
well, yes, this makes a great deal of good-sense 


"Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't."

Erica Jong 


Yes, the pen may be mightier than a sword,
but a good fart will clear the room.

did you bring a broom?

















SIMPLE

ah, shit!
not you again!


sorry, I couldn't help myself.
well, I could, but I didn't want to. 
and I won't apologize. 
not something I do. 















Sunday, July 22, 2012

SHOULD HAVE BEEN SIMPLE

should  have been simple
then came the wrinkle
when she caught me
blowing my nose
on her pantyhose 

sometimes she's just so impenetrable

Lord save my tarnished soul

please forgive me.
I just had to find a way to use impenetrable.
that is such a cool word, don't you think?
impenetrable, impenetrable, impenetrable.
gosh, that's fun! Love it, love it, love it.....
stand back while I stick my thumb in it.....

I pulled out my thumb 
and and now I feel
so damned dumb

born to be a son of a gun



a whale knows only its own blow-hole


"Hell is other people."

Jean-Paul Sartre (1905-1980)




never trust a cat to play fair.
not that you would care.
now, I must tell you
you're not the only cat
at this feline fair
but I do so love
what you've done to your hair.

public and otherwise 


soul reason for posting this 
very old photo
was to piss someone off

from left to right:
I'm the 5th stick person.

and, no, I won't explain;
that would spoil all the fun.
















NEXT TIME SHE SEES ME

next time she sees me
she's gonna 
beat the crap out of me
and hang me in a tree
for the crows to eat

she's not always this sweet



speaking of eating
meet me here
for a sweet treat

you pay, I'll smile

beguiled and begotten 
something in the kitchen
smells rotten 


you may have your limits
but you must realize
I have my limitations

different set of rules
different satisfactions
different directions


"Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man."

Erica Jong



Saturday, July 21, 2012

DIZZY DOES A DOZEN

dizzy does a dizzy dozen
while dizzy's half-wit cousin 
does only half of dizzy's dozen

from all of us to all of you
we hope you have
a happy dizzy dozen too

may the force be with you
but most of all,
may the force be good to you
and, of course, yours, too. 



you know what they say
an apple a day

do your hens lay?


what hides under your bed?
is it dead?
or is that smell flatulence?


the world as seen
through a child's eyes
so many questions why


"Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes."

Henry David Thoreau (1817-1862)






Friday, July 20, 2012

BIRDS OF A FEATHER

birds of a feather,
and all of that, that.

our cat knows more
about feathers
than all the birds
put together,
feather by feather.

our cat wears leather,
and in it's hat
it sports a crow feather. 

let's see your cat beat that!



do our lovers 
love us for us
or just for the thrill
of the hunt
and the sensual lust

sometimes
when she holds me
I think I'll just bust


those of us who cannot do
usually do without
its the law-of-nature
that figures this stuff out

after all this time
I think its time
to leave it all hanging out
out and about


"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing."

Wernher Von Braun (1912-1977)


ah, that explains it, then. 
I've spent my life doing research.