Thursday, December 26, 2013


so, sales, sales, sales!
everywhere we look!
everything is for sale!
guy on corner of impossible
and possible,
selling his neighbor's wife,
cheeseburger and a beer!
man, she's hot, hot!
should get cheeseburger
and a six pack!
I thought about it,
but my wife,
she'd cut my nuts off!
she told me,
and I believer her.
okay, I'll leave you with
that thought:
nuts cut off!
men, protect your nuts!

Poetry is what gets lost in translation.

Robert Frost
well, ya, I get lost in translation.
ain't hurt me none!
I'm lost right now, in fact!
not that you care none.
you don't care, right?

oh, slap me, slap me!

He who draws noble delights from sentiments of poetry
is a true poet, though he has never written
a line in all his life

George Sand, 1851

of all the anger,
all the misery,
love still believes in us.
love above all else.

Poetry is a mirror which makes beautiful that which is distorted.

Percy Shelley, A Defence of Poetry, 1821

one need not tell an onion it is a carrot.
an onion knows it's an onion.
and the carrot knows it's place.
vegetables are not risk takers.

it's my bedtime now.
and I won't be getting any.
she's made that very clear!

Thursday, December 19, 2013


sex and a pot to piss in.
what more do we need,
as we face eternity
with our smiles
upside down?

just another
out of work clown
clowning around
wrong side of town.

probably shot down
for clowning around.
buy savings bonds.

for every right
there are two wrongs
and a left


now that we've answered
that age old question....
who is smarter,  men or women?

(if you've forgotten, men)

earth's curvature bears witness
this aggravated truth
and, of course, wisdom teeth
biting down,
ripping off a piece

its timing, timing,
and a fat ass shining.

twenty bucks for this thing?
whatever the heck this thing is?
okay, I'll take two.
just to help the economy, you know?
you should buy two, too!
it's Christmas!
get out  there and buy, buy, buy!

let's just suppose a computer
isn't any smarter
than the idiot running it.

and then just say
my computer is a real idiot.
but only my computer
is allowed to say that.
and it often times does!

how about some plastic flowers?
plastic goes with everything,
and time of day or night.
don't require water.
won't wilt.
last forever and a day.
buy plastic.


and now the Grinch
not only stole Christmas,
dang fool followed through
by stealing the New Year!

Now, 2013 is forced to
continue right on until 2015,
making 2014 calendars
null in void, and no more use
than some butt wipe
in the old outhouse.

stay tuned for further updates
from Grinchville.

and now, a word from our sponsors.
well, don't have any of those, so
guess that's it.

you're kind of cute.
will you be a sponsor?

Wednesday, December 18, 2013


with all I've done,
all of read, studied,
all the places I've been,
one would think

I'd know something,
have learned something
by now, but
one would be wrong,
one would,

as I continue
making  same old stupid
I've made all along.

it may be elementary
dear Watson,
or simply

a case of indigestion.
only way to tell,
dear Watson,
wait for the smell.

too much importance
placed on fear.

fear keeps us focused;
keeps our heads
firmly on our shoulders.

and our shoulders
level with commonsense;
obedience follows.

turning love into butter
better butter lover
sweet on thy tongue
lapping up butter
thee what love thy butter
better lover, better butter
love thy butter

a life time
of shittin' and gettin'
has left me constipated,
and damned ornery.
and only slightly horny.

We find delight in the beauty and happiness of children
that makes the heart too big for the body.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, December 12, 2013


she tied me to a chair
and beat me, and beat me
and when she got tired
of beating me

she locked me in the shed
and went out and partied
all night long

when she got home
she tied me to the bed
and used me all up

personally I don't think.
but that cross
is only mine to bear.

and careless to share
what is or isn't there.
perhaps a pill,

for these crippling ills.
a plasmatic soup.
a root canal.

carbonic sins, releasing
joy and temptation
in one giant swoop.

foot in mouth scenario.
pay no attention:
this is only indigestion
requiring a long nap.

I'll say this
and I'll say this once only.
to say more
would infuriate the mass'
to riot

and probably start
a stampede to Walmart.
we have enough of that
to last 'til next Black Friday.

and probably beyond.
so, then, do not accept
false prophets
where prophecies
lead straight to hell

okay, that Geico pig
now that's a cool pig
gotta love that pig
i still love ham
sorry, pig

ya, its winter time.
cold, snow, ice, etc
looks nice, doesn't it?
well, its about 6 degrees F
but, no wind, so
i suppose it is nice.

snowing and blowing
and damned cold!
she's shopping
and I'm keeping car warm
she'll call and I'll
pick her up at the door

Friday, December 6, 2013


if i had something cheery
to say, I'd say it
and we could get on
with getting on
and go our own way.

and teach our pets to play.
or just get drunk
and make clay pigeons
out of bread dough.

or make snow yellow.
yes, I'm that fellow.

I understand this and that surprises me, 
and scares me,
and I don't understand why
I should be surprised or scared.
but that's the way it is;
for better or worse. 

husbands are that wives blame
when  thing go wrong.
and, no, doesn't work

the other way around.
and I'll testify to that fact,
should i be requested to do so.

Most glorious night!
Thou wert not sent for slumber!

Lord Byron (Childe Harold)

just because she said so.
told me to do so, so I did.
and I'd do it again,
and again because
she said so

she has my soul, and
won't give it back
unless I obey and
do as she says to do.

I have never in my life learned anything
 from any man who agreed with me.

Dudley F. Malone 

our high temp today, 12-6, was -3 F
temp now, at 2100 hours is -10.
zero for tomorrow's high.
i just love winter, don't you?

Tuesday, December 3, 2013


well, she  had the look.
us guys, we know the look.
and, she touched me
the way women
with the look touch guys.

and she touched me
in a way, made me feel
like I'd been touched
by a woman
who knows how, and where
to touch a guy, there.

and you know something?
I liked it. I did!
I liked it so much
I'm gonna have her
touch me again,
and again, and again,
until I've been touched
from top to bottom,
bottom to top
and all over again!

and, if she has any left,
I'll  have her touch me
again! so there!
just a small sin, after all....

I find the off button
on TV sets
a most refreshing tool!

we should each of us
butter our own toast.

that should be a law.

we should all wear
the same brand of diaper.

that should be another law.

don't believe there could ever 
be enough laws, do you?

hearsay, mostly meaningless
but often starts a trend
leading to the facts.

and, finally, the truth.

The cloud of doubt that surrounds political figures
tends to remain and never dissipate or be clarified.

Bob Woodward

Monday, December 2, 2013